she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
