ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i think im in europe. pls send help
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
