i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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