tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
