Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
