Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
