You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Randomize
