you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
