Pappa wants mamma naked
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
