I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
