just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
