just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
