Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You ruined the universe
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
