Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
