The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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