lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
