i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
