So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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