I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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