I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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