What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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