I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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