So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize