toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
