i love accidental penises.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
