Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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