My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
