well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
