I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
