Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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