It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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