Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
