the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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