I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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