i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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