Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
