hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
where are my eyebrows?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
