Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i now understand why vodka
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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