I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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