How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just found a bag of teeth...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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