I just pynch a tree in the face
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
