just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
