So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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