You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
