I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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