I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
