Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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