Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
