Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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