i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
