Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
