you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
