she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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