The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
