i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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