even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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