Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
