the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
