The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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