my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
