i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
