I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
