would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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