did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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