the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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