I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
