4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
