Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
