she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize