Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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