Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
