Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
