I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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