i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
